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| my Momphee |
| 12.31.03 (8:51 pm) [edit] |
my Momphee(mom's mom/my grandma) is 80 years old. she had lung cancer last year and they operated on her. the cancer was all gone. just a few weeks ago she had some pain in her chest and the doctors thought it might be the cancer coming back. she had lots of tests and finally the doctors figured out the cancer isn't back. thank God. they do want her to get trigger shots though. they sound great right? well her back is still hurting her from the surgery. (they went in through the back to remove the cancer) these shots will take away the pain. i really hope they help. i love mu Momphee.
-em
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| highlights and resolutions |
| 12.31.03 (8:46 pm) [edit] |
New Years Eve is here! wow 27 minutes until 2004! whoa! this year has probably been the best of my life. corny i know but hey thats me. so much awesome stuff happened this year. i'll list the highlights.
1. getting the role of Yente in last years musical Fiddler On The Roof
2. Getting the drama award for my grade
3. going to drama camp(if you haven't guessed acting is my life)
4. losing weight
5. improving my swimming times
6. swimming butterfly for the first time and doing great
7. concert choir
8. helping with the lights for The Comedy Hour
9. taking a drama class
10. meeting Bianca
11. becoming closer with all my friends
thats about all the "highlights" of my year. i really hope next year is even better. my resolutions are...
1. lose more weight
2."firm up"
3. get a lead/big role in the musical The King And I
4. get the drama award for my grade this year
5. work on the lights in the spring production
6. further improve my swimming times
7. get the coaches award for my age division
8. go back to drama camp
9. get into advanced drama neext school year
10. get a job when my age permits(june/july-ish)
thats about all my goals and highlights. man, i really can believe time is passing so quickly. whoa!
-em
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| my sadness and depression... |
| 12.30.03 (4:25 pm) [edit] |
I am quite depressed at the moment. I asked Caroline to stop talking about Andy and she said no. It's a sensitive topic for me and I asked her to respect that. She started calling me ugly and fat and stupid. Me being someone who can't handle conflict goes and says you're fatter. Which is true, but has never been voiced. She almost made me cry. I can't handle conflict or when people insult me. I'm, for the most part, a pacifist. Then Caroline says she was joking. I don't think that's a funny joke. Do you? I don't need her negative influence in my life and I don't need her treating me and making me feel like shit. I can't stand how negative she is. I wish she would embrace life instead of pushing it away. She just acts so damn cynical and mean all the freaking time. I hate being called fat and she knows it too. It's an issue I've stuggled with from a long time (she knows this too) and today I was actually starting to feel sort of good about myself. Then she goes and drags me. I think she can sense when I'm a little bit happy. Then she knows she must come and destroy any joy whatsoever. I feel so depressed and close to tears. To be honest Caroline is emotionally weaker than I am. She cuts herself and I have had chances to cut myself. I haven't because I am stronger. She has even tried to kill herself. I've been sad enough and willing enough, but I haven't. Man do I feel like shit right now. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow has to be better.
-em
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| potato spitting... |
| 12.30.03 (1:04 pm) [edit] |
I went to KFC with my dad and 10 year old bro today. They were playing some really gay song that sounded like something from James Bond (the tune). the words went likt this, " bring me men,men to match my mountain" very queer. so my dad was like that tune sounds like James Bond. he said," Bad Songs Never Die" I thought that was funny. by this time my brother is foaming potatoes out of his mouth. then my dad said "From Potato Face With Love" and that got my brother. he spit his potatoes all over my shirt. we were all cracking up. i think KFC will ban us from ever going again. Yes my family is truly insane.
-em
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| Oh Bonkers you know me so well... |
| 12.29.03 (1:33 pm) [edit] |
Bonky its true I am jealous only a little though. its not like i like randy. i dont, i just liked the attention. but i shouldnt have said that stuff about caroline. shes my bestest friend and i love her. im sorry. Bonkers tell him how you feel!
-em
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| a charming new development... |
| 12.28.03 (3:58 pm) [edit] |
I know i said i wouldn't bitch and moan about andy...i guess i lied. well i have recently been informed that andy likes caroline. well isn't that a charming new development. oh yes i thought so. i know it sounds really mean but she isn't even that pretty and lord knows she mean to a lot of people. why her? i'm not jealous i just had a system. it was andy pines for me unrequitedly and i turn him down. i sound like a bitch right now but im pissed. i dont even like him anymore! hes just on the rebound and she the lucky(not really) rebound chick. shes going to get hurt and im not going to go pick up all the peices. when he dumped me for the first time she said,"Get over it. No wonder he dumped you all you do is whine." a true friend or what? caroline has good qualities too but her magority isnt nice. why am i friends with her you ask? well shes nice to me and is easy to talk to(although she gives sometimes not so nice remarks). i guess we just need each other. o guess what?! she likes him too, a lot. i think shes just mesmarized because a guy actually likes her. I sound so mean and cynical but i really pissed off.
stats:caroline is...
40% good
60% evil
summary: andy likes caroline, caroline likes andy,caroline is the rebound chick,she will get hurt and reality will smack her in the face.
-em
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| music and my non-life |
| 12.28.03 (9:23 am) [edit] |
I went out and bought myself(doesn't that sound pathetic) some CDs yesterday. Oh yeah so much fun! I got "Galore" by The Cure and "Anthem" by Less Than Jake. Very good albums I must say. Since I have no life whatsoever(is that a word?) I made a list of my favorite bands. In no specific order. Yeah I'm pathetic, I know.
1. Foo Fighters
2. The Ataris
3. Bowling For Soup
4. Nirvana
5. AFI
6.Trapt
7. Dashboard Confessional
8. Something Corporate
9.Smile Empty Soul
10.The Cure
11. Less Than Jake
12. Rammstien (German rock band)
Yes so now all of you know what bands I live for. Aren't you lucky? Yeah not really, I know. I'm not a hermit who lives all alone with no friends. I have one friend...jpjp. I have friends...lots of friends people love me...i think. Well back to reality. I'm just your average teenage chick who loves rock music and theatre. Yea why am I ranting on and on about this? I don't know, but hey you're reading right? lol yea I'm gonna go listen to Less Than Jake.
-em
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| end of my bitching and moaning... |
| 12.26.03 (10:57 am) [edit] |
I broke-up with Andy. I just don't like him anymore. It's over. So none of you will have to listen to me bitch and moan about it anymore. I'm sure some of you are quite grateful.lol. Bonkers(hehehe) sent me a x-mas e-mail :) I feel so loved. That gives me an idea i'll senfd people one too just to make them smile! off to write holiday e-mails!
-Em
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| 6:30 wake-up call! |
| 12.25.03 (7:18 am) [edit] |
First of all I would like to say Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it! My day has been good for the most part. My younger brother did come wake us all up at 6:30 a.m. and I'm sick so that makes everything lovely. But Christmas is quite good this year. I got a cow pen! How awesome is that? I also got another moose stuffed animal! So good...so good. I knew most of what I was gettinbg because everyone in my family needs advice when it comes to picking out gifts. What can I say it's in my blood. This year has gone by so quickly. I mean it's gonna be 2004 before we know it. This has been a great year though. The spring musical was awesome and the theatre arts award was great. I lost a lot weight over the summer and am in much better shape. The Comedy Hour went great(my lights were awesome!) and my grades are quite good if I do say so myself. ah well must get back to the festivities. hope your christmas is great!
-M
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| not broken up...just on a break |
| 12.24.03 (2:56 pm) [edit] |
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Andy and I aren't officially broken up...were just on a break. I'm not sure what feelings for him are. I just need to sort things out.
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| My war with tape |
| 12.24.03 (10:25 am) [edit] |
I've been wrapping presents all day because it's Christmas Eve! I had a very bad encounter with the tape though. I was trying to get a small piece and it wouldn't tear so i kept pulling and it was all over the place and on me as well. What a lovely memory :D My mumsykins and I have been wrapping gifts all morning. we were watching Beauty and the Beast. i love that movie :) What's not to love? I broke up with Andy. And I don't feel that bad about it. It wasn't meant to be. He said he loved me and I didn't love him. I basically told him I didn't like him the way he liked me and I wasn't ready for a relationship. I'm actually sort of relieved that I'm single again. Don't get me wrong when you find someone you really like and go out with them then being in a relationship is great. I just don't want to be in one right now.
may your fairytale life be not just a dream,
M
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| Pearl Harbor tears |
| 12.23.03 (4:51 pm) [edit] |
I just got finished watching Pearl Harbor. Boy that movie is so sad. The last time I watched it I was in tears for 2 days. :cry: I didn't cry as much this time but man is it depressing. It's a really great film though. Not to mention Josh Hartnett is in it. :D *swoons* Ah ok back to reality. I'm having relationship issues. I like Andy and all, but I don't really want to date anyone right now. And I kinda like another guy a little. I'm not a bad person or anything. I would never cheat. It's just Andy moved and I don't want to do the whole long distance thing. I'm making things out to be more complicated than they really are. I'm going sleep on the thought of breaking up with him and see how I feel about it in the morning. I just don't want to rush into things.
May your fairytale life be not just a dream,
M
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| my ranting |
| 12.22.03 (3:00 pm) [edit] |
I have decided to become a more positive person. No one ever got anywhere feeling sorry for themselves and havig a negative outlook on life. I have so much to live for and 13 years just isn't enough. I want to live everyday as though it's my first and learn from every minute of it. Somedays it may seem like it can't get any worse, but then it means things can only get better right? Sometimes you might just want to give up and quit. Think about what you would be leaving behind. Think of how much hurt others could go through because you just wanted to say goodbye to the world. It's true there is a lot of bad in the world, but there is also a lot of good. Not that your life should be based upon others. It should be based upon you. As selfish as that sounds it's true. You have your own life to live. That doesn't mean you should push everyone away. I know I'm ranting on and on, but so what! Basically what I'm trying to say is live for yourself, but don't discard others. They have feelings too.
May your fairytale life be not just a dream,
M
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| B and Ruuuuuuben! |
| 12.21.03 (2:53 pm) [edit] |
Bonka and Ruben are back together....unofficially. I'm so happy for her. Ruben is a really nice dude. Its so weird B and Ruben are on and off like me and andy. and now were both "on" again. people keep telling me he's not worth my time and i shouldn't waste my energy. but it's different i guess. i can't explain it but it is. some people are saying he's lying to me and i really don't know what to think. i don't see why everything has to be that complicated. ah well....
May your fairytale life be not just a dream,
M
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| gym shirt |
| 12.20.03 (2:12 pm) [edit] |
it's the first day of winter vacation and i'm bored already! there is no one online and nothing good on TV. i am now in lounging mode. that consists of me wearing jeans that are too big,my gym shirt and my hair in a sloppy bun. thank goodness only my family sees me like this. a lot of my friends are going out of town for break. it'll be so boring all alone here(sigh). to top it all off my family wants to decorate the tree tonight. that traditon has never really worked out well. everyone argues where to put the ornaments and such. it gets very scarey. as you can tell holidays are usually a disaster in this house. i sent andy a reply sadly i haven't gotton one from him. it's probably because he just moved and his computer isn't hooked up yet. i really miss him. :(
-M
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| drawings,rock walls and dudes... |
| 12.19.03 (12:43 pm) [edit] |
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No more school until January! WHOOOOOOO! In 4th ER Bonka and Glenda and I were drawing beavers,abominable snowmen,diapers,kermit and miss piggy(who had a blonde face!) It was so much fun! good times...good times. People gave me candy and cupcakes today. Jennifer gave me a cookie because it's her birthday! I love the holidays! Paul says Hannakuh starts tomorrow. HAPPY HANNAKUH to all you who celebrate it! MERRY CHRISTMAS to all who celebrate that. um...HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone. We climbed the rock wall in gym. i skinned my knees a lot! they hurt, but i was pretty good at climbing. :D Chung boy was really good. Yesterday was a very interesting day. My ex, andy, told me he still likes me and thinks about me a lot. i said um...thanks. I actually haven't the faintest idea how i feel about him. i like him a little but i also like another guy a little. Plus andy moved yesterday. now he's like an hour away. i mean how would it ever work? he said i could come down everyweekend and we could do stuff. things shouldn't be that complicated. or at least i don't want them to be.
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| downhill spiral... |
| 12.15.03 (1:35 pm) [edit] |
things seem to be going in a downhill spiral for me. 2 of my friends cut themselves and another one is suicidal. my grandma's lung cancer might be back, we have yet to hear the test results. one of my best friends is moving and all my other friends think i hate him. i dont have the heart or courage to tell them otherwise because they seem to hate him. o did i mention he is my ex boyfriend? the guy i like,Kyle Smith, barely even knows i exist! And the worst part is I can't do anything about any of this. except maybe the last one i could always go up and say hi and stuff, but alas i have no guts...lol. the spring musical tryouts are in a month and i'm a serious actor and i really didn't want to The King And I. there aren't any characters i really want to be. i was Yente in Fiddler on the Roof last year. this year it'll be harder to find a part. so many people say Emily you're like the best actor in the school and i don't deney it. i'm pretty good actually. my singing voice is a tenor so that makes it hard for me to get a lead female role. I'm thinking about trying out for the king. well i g2g to my grandparents.
adios
-M
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| be myself, by myself... |
| 12.14.03 (3:13 pm) [edit] |
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this weekend i realized i need to be myself, by myself. it's true my friends have an influence on me and i pick up some of their mannerisms, but i need to find out who I really am. bianca and i became friends this year and truly i though she was awesome and i still do. in september i wanted to be just like her because she was so cool. now i realize im not supposed to be like bianca im supposed to be like...well me. i've picked up some mannerisms from b, now i sway sometimes. i just do it without thinking. with some people i dont want to be them persay, but have an outlook like theirs. Anna has a great outlook. she lives life with such joy and happiness. she gets so happy over little things. one time she won a 5 dollar mcdonalds gift certificate and she was as happy as can be. i want to look at life with such innocence. i want to live everyday like it's my first. i am truly a cheesy and corny person. i belive in true love and soulmates. sometimes i'll just hear a great song on the radio and jump up and dance(and all my friends know i can't dance)! if a spotlight shines on me i'll strike a pose and ham it up. that's just the way i am. sure i'll buy clothes from mainstream stores like American Eagle and stuff, but i wear them my own way and i have my own style. sure i could go ahead and say i dont care what other people think, but that's not true. i do care but only a little bit. society has has an effect on everyone. it has stereotypes that tell us how to look and act. you can choose to give in to those stereotypes or you can say f@#k you society i'm gonna be me weither you like it or not! i choose option number 2.
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| aye the drama! |
| 12.14.03 (2:52 pm) [edit] |
there is soi much freakin' drama! and i don't mean the actine kind. 2 of my friends are going through hard times right now. i won't mention any names because i promised them confidence. is that the right word...oh well. one of my friends is just so unhappy she's thinking about commiting suicide. she's too scared of the consequinces if she does it, but it's the entire point that she's that misrable. she says stuff like,"I won't kill myself, I'm too scared...I just know if I did kill myself no one would miss me." I just don't understand why she would think that. i don't know about her life with her family or her love life. but she has so many friends that would miss her. we love her so much and would never want to lose her. i really hope she understands that.
My other friend cuts herself. She's not happy either. Her dad is dating again(her mom passed away when she was 2) and she HATES his new girlfriend. She said she started cutting herself because she feel asleep on her arm it was numb. she wanted to see if it would hurt. Now she has like 15 little cuts. there aren't a whole lot but she did break the skin. now she doesn't care if her arm is numb she'll just cut and cut. I talked to her about it and she said, " i just can't seem to stop." it's a condition and she needs help for it. she's a cutter and i want her to stop and so do all her other friends who know about it.
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| duct tape |
| 12.13.03 (4:51 pm) [edit] |
Duct tape is awesome! I LOVE duct tape! I made a wallet out of duct tape. Vicki inspired me. She made one and I decided i want one too. I'm now working on a purse bag thingy. Duct tape is so useful. Bianca inspired me to get it in the first place. She inspires me a lot. Well I'm gonna talk to her now.
later,
Em
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| Lunch Table |
| 12.13.03 (7:06 am) [edit] |
In english yesterday Raspen made us read a stupid story. The kid cannot write. They wrote about a lunch table. they said:
Our lunch table is crowded when people who don't usually sit there sit there
It's bigger than it is small
A lunch table. If we did not have it. We would be eating on the floor.
That is hilarious!
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| Fridayish... |
| 12.13.03 (6:55 am) [edit] |
Yesterday was friday! I like Friday. I had gym class. It's not so bad. We're playing vollyball...blech! My arm is wounded because of it. rraarr! I had english and I have to write this stupid paper about what life would be like in 20 years. Who cares what life would be like. It will either be a desolate wasteland or (according to Bonka) have cotton candy clouds. History was odd...very odd indeed. We had this sub who was like 65 and wore way too much make-up. I'm boring many people with my rantings about school aren't I? Ah well too bad. Lunch was a disappointment. I cannot spell at all. The guy I like wasn't there. :( I didn't have to go to math class. There was a wrap party for the Comedy Hour production thingy. That was fun. I found out this really nice dude Malik is in the hospital. It's most likely the flu. I hope it isn't way too serious. We played Bingo during break. I lost a lot. That wasn't fun.
Today I am going to my grandparents because my parents are Christmas shopping. I rented How To Deal. the mandy moore and trent ford movie. He is sooooo hot. :D (swoons) I'm gonna go change into fresh pajamas.
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| papers, man perfume and duct tape... |
| 12.11.03 (2:21 pm) [edit] |
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Oh boy! Today was...interesting to say the least. In first period my ex-boyfriend flipped(literally) Shafiq, who is really nice. My friends boyfriend whom she will soon be dumping sprayed a lot of girls with his man perfume(axe). On my way to 3rd period I tripped and dropped my books. My binder opened and ALL my papers flew out. No one even tried to help me except my science teacher. Stupid adolescents. That is spelled wrong. During lunch Bonka and I duct taped stuff. Her shoes are very very duct taped. That was fun...very fun. I took a science test which was really easy. Then i had to go t math class. UUUUUGGGGG!!!!!!!I hate math. It wasn't so bad today we just checked stuff. 81 minutes of torture. aarrgg!! I got my shoes yesterday. They are awesome shoes. :D I'm happy. Tomorrow I get to have the same lunch period as the guy I like. (sigh) We made eye contact on Wednesday across the lunch table and again in the hallway this morning. (sigh...again) I have gym class tomorrow...it's ok. English is blech and History is boring. Ah well such is life.
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| Christmas Mode... |
| 12.07.03 (11:45 am) [edit] |
I like someone new. I won't be mentioning his name because my friends will see it. They will never give me the end of it. He's really nice and cute though. My parents are in Christmas mode. They have to ask me to write "Santa" a list. I already know he isn't real. They want everything to be red or green. yikes! Then when Christmas rolls around the entire family will get together and exchange gifts. It means I have to wear a skirt. I don't like skirts. They annoy me.
I have a new hobby. It's astrology. I'm fascinated with horoscope and zodiacs. I'm a gemini. I love astrrology so much.
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| My eyes hurt... |
| 12.05.03 (2:24 pm) [edit] |
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My eyes hurt from crying. I had a breakdown. I cried for 2 hours straight. For lots of reasons. Mainly because I'm overwhelmed. Too much homework my ugly stupid rat basturd boyfriend and I broke up. I'm not really sad about that. Just really angry. He led me on for a week and a half. Boys can be such scum sometimes. The good thing is the show I was doing the lights for was a great success. Everyone remembered their lines and the audience loved them. Now I know how the light board works. It's was a lot of fun :!: I had some bread and jam earlier. yummy. It was blueberry jam. Very good blueberry jam. :D I'm so tired though. I've been up late a lot of this week because of rehearsals and homework. Finally I get to sleep. YAY! My friend B's birthday is tomorrow! Must sing to her and make her ears explode. lol. Poor Rach. Her dog passed away this morning. I'm going to go comfort her. laters all.
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